My name is Ernesto Escobedo and I have a stutter.

It has taken me a long, long time to be comfortable enough to share that with the world. It is something I have lived with as long as I can remember. But as a kid, I never really paid attention to it. All I was worried about was playing tennis, going out with friends and having fun.

The truth is there are times when it feels like something is stuck in my throat and I just can’t talk. If I force myself to speak, it comes out poorly and I stutter really badly. It’s tough.

I know a lot of people have a lot of issues they deal with. No one is perfect in this world. But one of the most important things in life is communication. It just sucks that you could see my insecurity off the bat because of my struggles with speech.

If somebody has four toes, that person could hide it forever. I can’t hide. I’m an easy target because I can’t speak like everybody else. I’m trying my best to work on it and I thought a good way to start would be to share my story.

I might have a stutter, but I also have a voice.

# # #

Once I came close to becoming one of the Top 100 players in the world, my life changed. There were more people around, more eyes on me. My stutter had never really been a major problem in my life until one day in 2016 in Cary, North Carolina.

I was playing an ATP Challenger Tour final against James McGee, who won the match in three sets. Afterwards, everyone came on court for the trophy ceremony and I was handed the microphone to reflect on my week.

“I started…

“I’m so sorry, hold on…

“So right before Lexington I was ranked like 350, 340, and then I just. Every time…

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I can’t speak right now.”

A thousand words were racing through my mind. I didn’t know which ones to pick. My heart rate went through the roof and my hands were sweating like crazy. I lost control of my body.

It was really scary and embarrassing, to be honest. That was one of the most difficult moments of my life. I just didn’t know what to say — nothing came out. I started to break down on court.

My opponent, James, was really nice. He immediately jumped up, put his arm around me and spoke on my behalf. But the damage was done.

That video went on YouTube and ever since I have been scared that people would watch it. I saw it two weeks after the match and immediately thought, ‘Whoa’. It was a really emotional moment for me. I was shocked and ashamed because of it. I felt so small.

It is so difficult to describe what it was like to stand there and have no control of my body. All I wanted to do was talk and put myself out there, but I couldn’t. I had no choice, and that was sad. It was a really shitty feeling.

That moment made a huge impact on my career, and not in a good way. The following year, I broke into the Top 100 for the first time and reached my career-high of No. 67 just after my 21st birthday. I was playing the tennis of my life.

But on the inside, I was struggling.

In many matches I would get so close to the finish line on some pretty big stages, but all I could think about was not wanting to experience what I did that day in Cary.

‘Oh shit, I’ve got to talk after this.’

I would lose matches because I was too scared to speak afterwards. Ninety-nine per cent of the time, that is what I was thinking about on court. During points, between points, any time you can think of. Instead of just focusing on the next point, I was thinking, ‘I’m getting closer to when I have to talk. What am I gonna say?’

I wanted to finish matches just to go back to the hotel and avoid speaking. I’m not really scared of doing interviews — I could crush one-on-ones every day. But when I need to talk in front of a lot of people, I start losing control of my voice.

What made my struggle worse was that when I was in the Top 100, a lot of people began making fun of me, which made me feel insecure about my stutter. I didn’t want people to hear my voice.

A lot of people didn’t understand my stutter. Some told me, ‘Just talk’. But it’s tough to speak if you struggle with this. Nobody stutters on purpose, trust me.

It has weighed me down for years. I truly believe I belong in the Top 100 now, but my stutter and my fear of it have held me back.

Because I felt so much shame about it, I never thought about discussing it publicly. Not one time. Not until now.

I recently started thinking about what I’ve gone through. I’m going to be 27 soon, and I would feel really badly if I ended my career without letting my struggles off my chest. I’ve never heard somebody talk about their stutter, so I thought it could be good just to start a conversation.

A few weeks ago, I was in Mexico for a tournament and I told my coach and agent about it for the first time. I sent my coach the clip from the Cary Challenger and he said, ‘Dude, this is crazy! I can’t believe that this happened to you.’ He felt so bad that I had to go through that experience and that it had been weighing on me for this long.

I had close people around me who tried to help, but never got professional help. I let my team know I was thinking of going public and they were super supportive.

I recorded a 73-second video telling the world about my struggles and how important it is to put myself out there in case it can help even one person who is also having a tough time. It took me like 10 tries because I didn’t really know what to say and I was trying to be super natural about it. When I messed up a video, I just deleted it and shot it again until I felt it was good.

 

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A post shared by Ernesto Escobedo (@netoesco)

Separate from my stutter, I’ve always been a quiet person. So I think for people who know me to see that video, they were kind of impressed that I spoke for a minute and a half. Some people would not think twice about that. But for me that was a huge step.

When I pressed publish after the last match of my trip, I felt like I lost 20 pounds. I felt at peace with myself. I wasn’t expecting it to go viral on social media and definitely did not expect all the nice messages that people have sent me. That made me feel so much better.

To be clear, I don’t want people to feel bad for me. Everybody faces obstacles in life. But millions of people live with a stutter, so I know there are so many others out there going through similar challenges, too.

This is also bigger than a stutter. This is about overcoming fear. All this time I did not even think of talking to anyone about this. But I realised that nobody is perfect, and there is nothing wrong with that. It makes you who you are and if you are able to overcome that fear, that is a huge accomplishment. I’ve won many tennis matches in my life, but overcoming my fear has felt so much better than any of my victories on the court.

Now I can just be myself. I’m Ernesto. I’m not the guy with a stutter. If people accept you, they accept you. If they don’t, it doesn’t really matter. Who cares?

I know it’s a really scary feeling, dealing with a stutter or any problem. I just want people to know that they are not alone.

If I could help out one person by sharing my story, it would mean so much to me. I really think this will help me continue to embrace who I am, too.

It’s okay to not be perfect. For so long I wanted to hide who I am. Now, I don’t have to.

– as told to Andrew Eichenholz

Holger Rune made a spirited comeback bid on Wednesday night against Casper Ruud, but ultimately found a two-set hole too much to dig out of after a sluggish start in the Roland Garros quarter-finals. While the Dane was quick to credit his opponent after the 1-6, 2-6, 6-3, 3-6 defeat, Rune ultimately put the blame for the result squarely on his own shoulders.

“I think I started very, very bad, unfortunately,” he reflected. “I didn’t find my level at all the first two sets. Then I started to play a little bit better, found some rhythm in my game, managed to put him under pressure.

“But, again, it’s too costly to start so late. Against a great player like him, he deserved to win because, first of all, I wasn’t there the first two sets. But you cannot allow yourself to do that when you play a player like Casper, and any player at the top of the game, because it’s too long of a way back. Credit to him for staying there.”

“He deserved to win” 🎤

A glimpse into Holger Rune’s press conference.#RolandGarros pic.twitter.com/vzECcoNk3I

— Roland-Garros (@rolandgarros) June 7, 2023

After making 30 unforced errors in the first two sets, Rune began to fire off his forehand wing to take set three. But it was too little, too late, as Ruud closed out the win in a competitive fourth set.

Asked if his exertions in a five-set, fourth-round win against Francisco Cerundolo affected his play, Rune dismissed the idea. 

“Not at all. I was fine physically. No excuse,” he said. “I just didn’t play my level. It’s tough, but sometimes it’s like this, and you have to learn from it, come back stronger. We have another Grand Slam around the corner, so I hope to be stronger there. I’m happy that the clay season is over now. I’m ready to move on. Yeah, just focused on the grass now.”

The ATP Tour’s grass swing begins on 12 June with a pair of ATP 250 events in Stuttgart and ‘s-Hertogenbosch.

For the second straight year in the Roland Garros quarter-finals, Casper Ruud edged fellow Scandinavian Holger Rune in four entertaining sets on Court Philippe-Chatrier. On Wednesday evening, the fourth-seeded Norwegian earned a 6-1, 6-2, 3-6, 6-3 victory against the Dane to continue his bid for a second consecutive final at the clay-court major.

Ruud improved to 5-1 in the pair’s ATP Head2Head, avenging a Rome semi-final defeat from last month. All six of their meetings have come on clay. By winning the matchup of two of the most successful clay-court players this season, Ruud picked up his 16th win on the surface in 2023 (16-5), drawing him level on wins with Rune (16-4).

“I’m very, very relieved. I came into this match just trying to play without pressure. But it’s not easy, obviously. You’re playing a big match and against Holger it’s never easy,” Ruud said in his on-court interview. “He plays very aggressive. Luckily for me the first two sets he wasn’t probably feeling it too well, he was doing a lot of errors, so I sort of got a lot of points for free.

“So that helped the nerves, but he fought back. Third set he came out playing better and then in the fourth set I was just lucky to get that one break and then keep it all the way out.”

The victory moved Ruud above Rune to No. 5 in the Pepperstone ATP Live Rankings; he could rise past Stefanos Tsitsipas and maintain his status as World No. 4 by reaching his third Grand Slam final, but cannot move any higher even with his first major title. The 24-year-old will meet Alexander Zverev in Friday’s semis, after the German beat Tomas Martin Etcheverry in four sets earlier on Wednesday.

Ruud dominated the opening two sets of the quarter-final as his 20-year-old opponent seemed to show the effects of his five-set victory against Francisco Cerundolo in the fourth round. The Norwegian’s dominance in the rallies left Rune struggling to find a response, with the Dane misfiring by big margins from the baseline and unsuccessfully taking risks to shorten points.

After saving a break point in the opening game of set three, Rune grabbed a lifeline with an early break, his comeback bid spurred on by the evening Chatrier crowd. Fueled by his forehand, Rune summoned his best tennis to power through the set without facing another break point, but his charge was cut short when Ruud broke for 3-1 in the fourth.

Court coverage 💯#RolandGarros pic.twitter.com/wFyF7V6aeM

— Roland-Garros (@rolandgarros) June 7, 2023

The Dane made his opponent earn his victory, bringing up 15/40 in the ensuing return game and later saving two match points on serve to make it 3-5. But the fourth seed had no problem serving out the match, clinching victory on his fifth match point to return to the semi-finals — a stage at which he is 3-0 at the majors.

Rune, who has had his two best major showings by reaching back-to-back quarters at Roland Garros, is the second Danish man to reach that stage in multiple majors (Kurt Nielsen). He was denied in his bid to become the first Danish men’s singles semi-finalist at a major since Jan Leschly at the 1967 US Championships.

Alexander Zverev didn’t have things all his own way on Wednesday, but he stepped up when needed to reach the semi-finals at Roland Garros for the third consecutive season.

In a heavy-hitting baseline battle against Tomas Martin Etcheverry, Zverev overcame an attacking bombardment from the Argentine to triumph 6-4, 3-6, 6-3, 6-4 on Court Philippe-Chatrier.

“The conditions during the day are a lot better for me,” Zverev said. “The ball is a lot faster and bounces higher. I love to play on clay and day conditions are better… I am in the semi-finals at Roland Garros and I am happy about that.

“The 5-4 game [in the fourth set] was incredible from both of us. He was hitting the ball extremely hard and I was hitting the ball extremely hard. At the end of the day I think I deserved to win.”

With his three-hour, 22-minute win, the German improved to 28-7 at the clay-court major, while he climbed four spots to No. 23 in the Pepperstone ATP Live Rankings. Zverev will continue the quest for his maiden major title when he meets Casper Ruud or Holger Rune on Friday.

Etcheverry, who advanced to finals on clay in Santiago and Houston earlier this year, was competing in his first major quarter-final. The 23-year-old did not drop a set en route to the last eight and played with aggression against Zverev, unleashing on the forehand to trouble the German.

After the first two sets were split, Zverev began to find his rhythm. From 0-2 down in the third set, the German reeled off five straight games to take control. He struck 12 winners in the set and moved forward effectively to win 86 per cent (12/14) of net points. Zverev then was then consistent in the fourth, limiting errors off his backhand wing and saving all four break points he faced to earn his 21st win of the season and 13th on clay.

“He is playing incredible tennis,” Zverev said when asked about Etcheverry. “He reminds me a lot of [Juan Martin] del Potro. The way he plays and the way he hits his forehand. He is an incredible player. I think if he continues to play like this he will be in the quarter-finals here a lot more and he can be Top 10 and win big tournaments. He proved it this week and I wish him nothing but the best.”

Zverev, who will compete in his sixth major semi-final on Friday, suffered a right ankle injury against Rafael Nadal in the last four in Paris in 2022. After a six-month recuperation period, the 26-year-old returned to Tour in January and has slowly regained his level. He reached the fourth round at ATP Masters 1000 events in Madrid and Rome before he arrived in Paris last week off the back of a semi-final run in Geneva.

Aiming to win his first title since the Nitto ATP Finals in 2021, the 22nd seed has made further progress this fortnight, defeating seeds Frances Tiafoe and Grigor Dimitrov.

“It was the most difficult year of my life,” Zverev said when reflecting on the past year. “I love tennis with all my heart and the competitiveness that was taken away a year ago. I am so happy to be back at this stage.”

Etcheverry had never won a match at Roland Garros prior to this year, but announced himself by defeating Jack Draper, Alex de Minaur, Borna Coric and Yoshihito Nishioka in Paris. The 23-year-old is up 18 spots to No. 31 in the Pepperstone ATP Live Rankings following his run. He reached a career-high No. 46 last month.